1:32 AM... Dustin

I have always gotten up early… as a kid, even as a teenager and as a willing adult embracer of Franklin’s early bird club. It’s easy to do when that is what you do. 1:32 am is a taking it bit far. As is common with most kidney patients, I have gone through my poly-phasic sleep where my sleep-wake cycle is disturbed. A combination of meticulous sleep environment control and Modafinil busted this for me. When I was poly-phasic I learned it was best to get up and do something while avoiding anything with a screen. Dishes and laundry were typical tasks, and after an hour and a half or so I would go back to bed. Now I would where my blue light blocking glasses and write like I am being inspired to do now. 

Is this because I am anxious about tomorrow? At the risk of being the one who “doth protested to much,” I am not nervous. Not like I “should” be. I am ready for -THIS- to not be the center of my family’s world. Anna shared yesterday and I believe back in April, that she has never been in a medical procedure where she was put completely under. And I clumsily responded to this but relaying the time I “woke” up under anesthesia during comprehensive dental surgery. Sorry again for being insensitive here, Anna. But on the drive to my Parents after our brief meet-up, I realized that it was I able to bring that up with no fear or forced connection to the event she and I share today. I don’t feel particularly anxious… I can’t tell you why and I keep examining myself for my “okness.” This IS scary shit but as of yet, I am taking it moment to moment. Curious if this will continue as we line up for our approach.

Then why am I up? Typically, I never sleep with an alarm unless I have a flight (or a Kidney Transplant). I’m at my parents’ house and I slept well till I didn’t. This is the same with travel. If I set an alarm it seems to set up an internal competition to beat the alarm awake. I am more concerned about the alarm being where I can hear it or on than I am about the trip. This current situation is more like that. But as is my way, I try and turn all things to my advantage and this waking has given me time to write this blog post that the morning schedule would have made difficult. 

I will utterly fail If I try and express my appreciation at the love and support we have received through this whole journey but it is in these last few hours where the task would build to impossible. But here is my attempt. Thank you, Thank you for the care, concern and connection. This is inadequate.

I feel called to shut down the inputs a bit as I gear up for recovery. So, I will fast from social media and may be slow to respond to texts. My consigliere (or am I her’s?), Beth, supported this and has agreed to continue to keep everyone updated. Kenzie has a different engine and will no doubt keep her feed active. Anna and I decided to keep the blog going as we still have words to write, so I will continue to ramble here as long as it serves and folks are reading. I know we will have one reader in  Mrs. Williams. (Hello, Gram Bettie!) All things pass through trials not all things are worthy of being tried. Fates willing, I am worthy.